241. Narcissist Energetics {with Sandi}

why do narcissists act the way they do. Not sure they have a choice. After this pattern of behavior is so ingrained in them. I just don't think that they. Ken even. Consider that. There was anything they could do to make their lives. Easier. And yet it's not our responsibility to fix them. It's our responsibility to. Come home to ourselves. And so live in our fullest potential. That's what we are here for. Sandy. And I continue the conversation about why we think narcissists know. When we are. Opening to someone else or simply ourselves.

It's like, because I'd be like doing something right. All I get the restaurant and I'm a chef. At building a restaurant, but then, I would feel him, and then all of a sudden, ring, my phone would ring. And it would be when I was starting to get giddy about somebody else. ooh, like, make a connect with somebody else and then, ding, text. I'm like, mother trucker. Oh, I knew it. So my question is, do we have a, a cord attached somewhere? Wrong.

have a sense of their own self. If they have a hook in someone else that they can twist and turn and do whatever they want with. So, yeah, it's like, You're clear of him, right? You're clear. You're done. You're not engaging at all. You're homing yourself. You're doing the thing, but his feeler, his hook is still out there looking and searching. And it's almost like a homing device, almost. You know what I mean? Like, it's just like, oh, oh, oh, the heart's opening. Oh, I got to get in there and twist it. because I actually don't have a concept in my brain that I could not be right. So that's another thing is that they literally cannot be wrong. They can't they, they have to make you be

Wrong.

Wrong. Your feelings are wrong. You're making them the victim. You're acting like a victim. You're manipulating the situations. You're guilty. It's all your fault. They can't be wrong. They literally have no concept that they, I don't think they have a concept of right and wrong for themselves. I literally think they believe they're perfect.

I think you're absolutely right. On that,

And the truth is, they are scared as fuck.

tiny little young boys, like I've seen it, I've seen it, like a scared little boy. Something happened way back that really hurt and fucked them up.

Mhm.

They are angry and scared, and, scared angry, and they can't get over it. They can't let go, and I don't understand that. It's hard. Oh my God. You're gonna make me cry.

It is really hard because we care because we're genuine people that have feelings and are empathetic and we care, but it's not our job to save

It's not. Absolutely not. I see energy, I feel energy, and I care deeply about everybody. And that's what's really hard. And I think narcissists know that, that they go after people that are so kind and sensitive and they're like, Oh yeah, this one's pliable, I'll just stick this hook,

And I believe that most of that is subconscious. Most of them aren't even aware because again, they don't have the concept, they don't know what they're doing, which makes it harder for us because then we're like, well, he's a good person. He just doesn't know.

And there's no way you could change it

Nope, not going to change. So get the fuck out. I'm telling you right now, get out your, if you're stuck, get out now. Cause it's not going to get any better. The only way it's going to get better is when you get out and you're not going to see how bad it is until you do. I promise you, but I will say what happens when you do get out is your life. Starts to actually feel like it has spaciousness and creativity and openness in it Because it actually does you're not wasting your time. Sorry, but you are you're wasting your time. You're wasting your energy trying to Make something work with a narcissist. It will never work. It can't it's impossible This is actually impossible. So just leave because your life is going to be magic.

Yeah, you're absolutely right.

know I am

Damn straight you are. That was the beginning of it. Cause when we were all sitting around at Mishawaka on the river and he says, well, it's stuck. You gotta get out. And I didn't contact him that whole weekend that we were together and I felt free like myself again and having a blast time of my life again. Right. And right after you left, it was just like, went back into it. It's like, fuck I gotta get out, I gotta get out.

And that's the beauty of this work too, we learn what we learn when we learn or we feel how we feel when we feel it and then it's up to us. Otherwise, we're codependent, which is what we are with narcissists. I mean, that's just the way that that is. And

You know, but he does all these nice things for me or helps me out like with my car or my trolley or you know But it's like there's always a fucking under my thumb.

there's, the reason they do that is to maintain power and control. And then there's pe there are people in this world that will come over and make you dinner and tell you that you're doing it when you ask them what you can do to he if there's anything you can do but you're on the couch under a blanket all cozy. And they're not doing it because they Want to control you they're doing it because they actually want to do this for you, and they want to give to you, because that's who they are. And that's who you are, and you have attracted that into your life, you have magnetized that into your life, but you can't get that from somebody who can't do it, and you also can't magnetize that into your life when you're wasting your energy and time trying to make it work with somebody who can't do that. Your quote unquote knight in shining armor is not gonna come into your life. Until you are home in yourself and you're whole in yourself and you don't need that person at all.

You said it sister.

But first more lessons. It's like you're conditioning yourself to be able to say no to these people. Well, how can you condition yourself to say no to people and to stand up for. What's right for you. When there's no one to do that with, there will always be someone to do that with even the healthiest people need to set some boundaries or at least speak from their integrity about what their needs are. But if you don't get the chance to do that with someone who pushes back again, you're not going to see how much stronger you are. In not allowing them to push back. Next time. We're going to talk a little bit about how this pattern. Wants to perpetuate. And how we move ourselves right out of it. Thank you for being here and thank you for being you. Until next time we are sending all the love and then some more we'll talk tomorrow.